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How to cope with your ex's affair partner being around your kids

Divorces happen for a variety of reasons. One is adultery, which can be particularly traumatic for the spouse who was faithful. This situation is also difficult when there are children involved. The child custody process might be complicated because of the affair partner.

If you are facing a situation in which your ex's affair partner is still in the picture, you might find it hard to accept. There are many things that can help you and your children to adjust to the new way of life, even when that person is still around.

Practice positive parenting

There are many ways to ensure that you have a positive parenting relationship with your ex. You and that parent are the ones who should make decisions for your child. Both parents should set that standard early, which means you deal directly with your ex. Remaining respectful, even when it is challenging, can help to keep things calm.

Establish ground rules

If you are concerned about the affair partner not being in the picture for long, you might be concerned about your children becoming too attached to that person. You may be able to state in the child custody order that the person can't stay overnight unless they are married to your ex. Just remember, this would likely lead to a ruling that says you can't have any partners sleeping over when your children are home.

Take a cue from the kids

Even though you might not like the thought of your children being around the person with whom your ex was cheating, you might come to realize that they are treating your children nicely. Pay attention to how the children speak of that person. Don't let what happened to you cloud your judgment. A child can never have too big of a support system.

Focus on yourself

Take time to work on yourself when your children are spending time with your ex. Finding ways to spend your time and making improvements in your own life might help you stop trying to nitpick your ex's life and reduce your stress level.

Looking at the big picture may help you cope more healthfully. What happened between you and your ex was horrible, but this doesn't mean that your children can't have a good life. Be sure that the child custody order accurately addresses your child's needs. This alone can have a positive impact.

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